Instilling Values In Your ChildJanuary 18, 2021
The need to instill good manners and values into your kids is something that has to be done. But, how do you do it in the right way? Worry no more, because here we will be talking about 6 ways to instill good manners and incredible values in kids.
Many psychologists say it’s impossible to teach children values and manners and that they should be present naturally. It is right in a way because telling kids to be honest and hardworking will work the same way as it works on kids. But if teaching values is impossible, it is indeed very important and something that should be done. And is something that is possible if done in the right way.
Parenting does not only include taking care of the child’s physical health but also enhancing mental health. Parents play a very crucial role in the bringing up of a child. The character of a child and how they will turn out to be in the future all depend on how parents raise their kids. Instilling values in kids without being strict, all you need to do is keep reading.
Do what you want them to do
One of the most important things you should do as a parent is to practice what you preach. Children learn from your actions not words. This is the reason most children copy what you do and it seems pretty fun to watch. In the same way if you are indulging in some good stuff and have good manners, your kid will most likely do that. If you’re willing to see qualities like hardworkingness and honesty, then you should be able to set an example.
Keeping promises can play a huge role. I can’t stress this enough, it does. If you’ve promised your child to take him/her to a movie or the part, you should do it. We know that you are busy in your daily activity, but when you promise something, keep that up. If you have a lot of work but still do what you say, your kid will also follow the same.
If you want your kid to be honest and never lie, you should be able to do that first. In case your child catches you lying to your boss or somebody else, he/she won’t think it’s that important to be honest.
It’s okay if you were not able to take them to that cinema because you were caught up in other stuff. But instead of directly breaking that to them and mind your business, try to educate your kids that the character trait or the quality you’ve failed in is still very important.
Sharing your personal experiences
Every single person goes through a tough time in their life. Share yours with your child. Not only what you’ve gone through, also share your mistakes and stupid things you’ve done. This will show them that everyone’s not perfect and it’s okay to make mistakes.
Talk to them about that business you’ve set up and failed in, talk about the journey of yours from that point. Tell them the stuff you’ve felt and how you got out of that situation.
Not only the hard parts of life, tell them about all the tiny things you’ve done at a young age which were funny and can turn out to be relatable.
Share situations where you have learnt your lesson the hard way. And at the same time acknowledge them about the fact that success is not the only thing to focus on. Tell them that even though you haven’t been able to achieve success in one area, something bigger than that will be waiting for you.
Don’t go about sharing the struggles you’ve gone through with a 6 year old, they won’t understand what you are saying. If your kid is 8 years old, share your experiences when you were about the same age. If he/she is 18, tell them all the silly, stupid and great stuff you’ve done at that age.
Joining your experiences with their age helps your kid find them relatable and understandable.
Do not hold yourself accountable for their mistakes
You can’t always be there for them, remember that. So, it’s important for you to teach them to be accountable for their mistakes.
If your kid has broken a neighbor’s window while playing cricket or disobeyed the school rules and got detention, do not rush in. Your part ends after teaching your kids about staying out of certain situations; it might be getting a detention or anything else. But you shouldn’t get into the situation once your kid has done something wrong.
This doesn’t mean to leave them by themselves; instead you should tell them what’s right and let them correct the situation by themselves.
For example: let’s imagine that a 14 year old child has broken a neighbor’s window while playing cricket or baseball. And the owner of the house has insisted on getting the window repaired. It has taken about 50 to 70 dollars.
In such a situation, do not just leave them after scolding for a couple minutes. Instead make them pay for it. It doesn’t make sense right, because a 14 year old can’t pay 50 dollars. But it will make sense now, set certain chores you can make them do and pay them for that. Like washing the dishes earns $3 dollars and doing the laundry earns $5 etc.
Doing this will teach your kids the value of stuff they’ve destroyed. It will also give them an idea how being careless even for a minute can cost a lot.
Apologizing when you make a mistake
Let’s take an example of the first situation, if you were not able to take your kid to the cinema or park, educating the child about the quality you’ve failed in is not all you need to do. It is very important to say sorry and apologize.
The child will feel that he is being valued and respected. Because you’ve apologized for hurting their feelings. Not only that, at the same time, you are teaching the child to take responsibility and be accountable for their mistakes.
If you’ve had a rough day and your boss was extremely angry and took off all his/her frustrations on you. And the minute you get home, your child starts annoying you to look at something or play a game with them, it can be very frustrating. It’s normal if you’ve yelled at your child, been there done that. But as soon as you realize the fact that you overreacted go to their room and say I’m sorry, been there done that.
Start sharing the stuff that happened in your day that caused you to overreact. Cook your child’s favorite dish to compensate for your act.
When you do this, your child will do the same in situations where they’ve taken out frustration on the wrong person. It also develops a desire in your child to apologize for the mistakes they’ve made.
Do not allow your kid to have an easy way out of stuff
If your kid has just signed up for basketball and wants to quit after 1 weeks practice. Do not say it’s okay and move on (there are exemptions to the situation though).
If they’ve started something like taking a certain class or have started a certain project, do not encourage them to give up if they want to. Once they’ve signed up for something, do not get into the situation until the certain task is completed.
Instead of directly agreeing to their excuses, encourage them to keep going and complete what they’ve started. Doing this will develop the quality of responsibility in your child.
In situations when your kid wants to quit that French class after 2 weeks, if you agree to their decision, the child will most likely become a quitter at a further stage in their life.
You can’t get them out of situations when they grow up. It’s just a high school, so you can manage to get the kid out of a class but it won’t be possible when they’ve started a business and start regretting it.
By not allowing an easy way out, you are making your child accountable for their own choices. The thought that daddy will save me if i regret doing something, won’t get your child anywhere.
Observe internet use and television viewing
The child will have a lot less to unlearn if you don’t expose them to wrong stuff. It’s impossible and not right to distance them from everything, the child should definitely be given his/her own space. But limiting exposure to television and the internet is important.
Televisions as well as computers need to set up in places where the family is together and not in the child’s bedroom. If the television and computer are set in the living room, you will be able to observe what they are doing which won’t be possible if the computer is set in their bedroom.
If the child does have a computer or television in the bedroom, install parental control. To make sure your child is not going on sites they are not supposed to.
If you are watching something on the television with your kid and something bad comes up, don’t hesitate from bringing something else up while the show is running. Or just switch the TV off.
These were all the stuff you need to do in order to implant good values in your child, but the most important is to practice what you preach.